Yesterday I was straightening out our bookshelf which had become disheveled in the last year in preparation for a baby shower for my dear friend Sam that will be held at my home tomorrow. I came across a book I had forgotten we even owned.
The Queen of Cleans Complete Cleaning Guide was a gift to me from my mom soon after I was married. I think it was her way of welcoming me to the "club" of married life, knowing I would need help honing my housekeeping skills that she so desperately tried to instill in me when I was younger. Inside she wrote in her beautiful penmanship that they no longer teach in grade school:
To Kristi
I hope you find many things in here helpful!
Love you always
Mom
After reading this simple phrase, I hugged the book close to my chest with tears rolling down my face. I love you always too, Mom. What a practical gift yet so thoughtful. Thoughtful gifts were her specialty. I inherited my joy of gift giving from her.
I miss my mom with my whole heart every time fall rolls around and I take out my fall decorations. My mom loved each season and always decorated our home for each holiday. I am not sure why fall triggers the aching heart and longing for my mom's company. Maybe it is because I usually bake more and cook more in the fall and it was my mom who taught me how to do both of these things. Baking was our special thing we did together. Every holiday we made something together. Whether it was cupcakes with candy corns on top of decadent icing for Halloween, pies for Thanksgiving, oodles and oodles of goodies at Christmas time, or sugar cookies for Valentine's Day, we always had something we would do together while my dad and brothers were elsewhere.
I remember Christmas time most vividly - falling asleep to the sweet smells of cookies cooking as she stayed up late to finish a batch of something. Every Christmas we had sugar cookies, molasses cookies, "butter balls" (a.k.a. Russian teacakes),
cornflake wreaths (my personal favorite), popcorn cake, rosettes, fudge, her famous Heavenly Hash and often a brand new recipe, such as peanut butter blossoms, snowman butter cookies,or
spritz cookies. To this day I bake up a storm for every holiday. This is one way I can keep her memory alive. A tradition I can't wait to pass down to Elisabeth. And with Elisabeth's love of food, I am sure she will happily join in the baking fun.
My mom will be gone from this life for five years this coming January. Some days I miss her terribly and I long for her to call me to tell me all about her favorite soap opera, fill me in on the family news, or just to talk about her aches and pains or her newest illness. Lately, I want to talk to her about my struggle to have another baby. She would understand. She would tell me to "SLOW DOWN" and scold me for being too busy. And then, after I would start crying, being that I always have had sensitive feelings, she would tell me how much she loved me and how sorry she was that I was hurting.
My mom and dad at my wedding reception in 2002.
I love you always too, Mom. I miss you forever and can't wait to see you again. I could use one of your squishy hugs every now and then.
